what the fuck

holy shit i hate clicking something and it not working, when there's no good reason for it not to work. like just now. i clicked 'new post'; nothing. for like 15 seconds, but that's aeon's on a computer. well not my computer. damn it i'm the dumbass. anyway of course i clicked it again and before i had even finished the click (it was weird) this page was loaded. it reminds me of whenever i click on something (and this is typically a problem i've experienced in the past) say an internet link and nothing happens for awhile, and then you're like 'ok, nevermind i'll just hit stop and stay on this page' and so you hit stop and what the hell happens? it stops loading the new page, and cancels out the page you had loaded, leaving you with nothing. holy shit that pisses me off. whatever.

anyway, 'what the fuck' because of that, rather than 'goddamn it' for joshua's sake. but he's the reason i'm writing:

ok, have you ever tried reading and every sentence you can't connect to the previous sentence for whatever reason, usually being high does this or if you have something on your mind? like not on your mind but right in front, directly in the forefront of your brain, usually if i get really mad i experience this and it's practically a blinding rage, and you can't think. INFURIATING. especially if you're trying to read any random ass thing or especially if it's a fucking article from some bullshit journal for a paper you don't want to write because your professor is a twat who's done nothing but sit in a fucking office the last 15 years and "TEACH" but all he's teaching is verbatim ideology bullshit that no one fucking understands. HOLY SHIT GODDAMN IT.

anyway, so joshua comes up just now and there's a topic he likes to talk about, it's the only fucking thing he talks about and i want to punch him in his fucking face when he does, and anyway he walks in and starts talking about it and i said, and i quote: "i don't care. i don't want to hear about it." and guess what the motherfucker does? HE FUCKING TELLS ME ALL ABOUT IT ANYWAYS.

this i think is the most infuriating thing i've ever experienced. do i go about telling him, or anyone else for that matter, anything? no. i keep to myself and leave well enough alone. because goddamn it i like it that way. and when the very subject matter of said dialogue (monologue i should say) relates to a topic that in itself yields unproductive and unconstructive argumentation and life choices, IT'S THE FUCKING MOST MADDENING THING I HAVE HAD TO GO THROUGH, AND IT'S A DAILY OCCURANCE.

fuck. stop.
swear.ing.
it's makes you dumb.

this is hardly helping.






i'm moving to australia.
(http://www.amazon.com/Alexander-Terrible-Horrible-Good-Very/dp/0689711735)

daily conclusion: anyone who is happy all the time is a fucking fool. no one is happy all the time, and if they are, they're living a lie. it's self induced phsycosis, and those people should be put to death.

i'm not negative or positive, i'm just sick of day to day consciousness. FUCK.