Saturday

Today is Saturday and Sunday comes after. Or rather it is now Sunday. I can't get into this just yet. Don't think anyone reads this. Will I ever read this? Like it says its more of a journal, really. I never kept a journal privately so I'm doing it publicly. Stupid really. I'm going to write for as long as these four Tony Castles songs last for. Tony Castles..I thought it was hip hop but its more like experimental indie hippie hipster guitar drums high vocals type shit. It's sick tho. Headless horsemen is another sick group. Greedhead man, they're on to something. Anyway, music. Ha. I feel like at he end of the day any musician and/or actor is just a dang entertainer..a singing dancing traveling minstrel. Why do people respect them so much? I get that its culture, that its maybe symbolic of like the icing on the cake of life, but isn't it a bit trivial in some sense? SHANE could have played music for a living. Maybe. But education comes first. Does it though? It should. People spend money on entertainment..no artist is self made, you rely on other people for 100% of your income you damn twat! In a good way. Plus, music and other aspects of the arts or at least pop culture are largely random and based in comparison to the higher ideals of other fields like the social sciences, the hard sciences, medicine and government etc. It's like people prefer to focus on fun and trivial stuff to take the pressure of not being able to comprehend the atrocities that are going on internationally, the injustice going on nationally. Lady Gaga fights for gays in the military..now we have more servicemen and women? Fuck that. And fuck the us army the us navy the air force the marines the cia the nsa the FBI and the irs. I wasn't going to get a job with them anyways. Al quadea. Bombs. Toms shoes. Jerry springer. Spring fling. Trim your hedges. Place your bets on the hedge fund dispersement. Trace your genetics to an ethical relativist from protestant England circa the 16th century who fucked your mother after losing a bet. Battle a half wit for a bottle of bat shit and a barbecue pit over the east Asian trading company. That's guano Ted Bawno. I don't know rap. I don't know sad. I don't know dead relatives anymore. I miss dead relatives more and more the less I think about them the sadder it is. Cu the dead are gone the deceased no longer be except in you and me. This is a recurring theme I find I try to repeat to myself but not too often it mayn't be true. But it may be. Mayberry. Johnny appleseed planted apple seeds which grew to apple trees from sea to sea is this a myth? Is there truth to it? Is there half truth? Maybe Jesus was a bum. Maybe he was a poor beggar who said love your enemies oh wait he was. Can I really get caught up on one thing one little idiosyncracy one little inconsistency? Or is belief worth superceding logical incompatibilities? Is belief the only thing that is capable of such a thing? Maybe I want to believe because its how I was raised. Maybe Muslims are correct. God. Pssh. He's called Allah you dumb Romans am I right? Songs ended. PEACE.

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old crap

What is it with people these days? People are the same as they've always been, that's my guess. There's no telling what they'll say or do, and when it seems like you're the only one who thinks the way you do or what you do then you fins that you're not so different after all. Maybe. Sort of. Two rather worthless phrases, I'd say. Though I say them a lot, so who am I to say? fun word games, like, the Apple seed in my head is fun is head my in seed Apple. Nice try. Look around what do you see. A number of things but I can't see me. I see part of myself but not my face which is essentially the main part of a person. Soul. Mind. Spirit. Essence. I'm a waste right now. Body, mind soul. Physical self, intellectual self, whole self. Write self. Write write? Rigght, right. Here we go the iron is hot the hour is here. Time trite. And find out about yourself. Myself. About myself, but now I control myself. Or I become aware of myself in a way. The physical aspect of myself can control itself in what it does: the actualization of the intellectualist thoughts; its essernce. For the essence of the mind is the actions it initiates; the essence being the results produced, being the guesticulated upon and judged, being determined, the desired, being preferred, good. That was quite a few descriptions of exemplifies but needed in he given context and situation. But to get on with my results, it seems like the methods I am capable of using or the way I do my work or proove my point are not adequate or acceptable ways of conveying a point. Because that's all writing is, right? Conveying a point which I believe to be true, true being fact, fact being true, perhAps belief being a needed contingent for it to count as fact, defining fact and assuming consciousness being believed. Anyways, does it matter the method of stating something I believe to be true? Artistic research writing. This is also known as philosophic writing. Maybe. If nothing else it allows for the freedom to write things, ideas perhaps not bought about or written about yet. If only I'd held my pencil or pen like this all along. Works stare muscles. Fact - a fact is "verified true belief." According to the books at least. And now thinking about it, it seems like the best definition I've heard. The whole verified thing is hard to handle sometimes. Wow. I must have written that years ago. I have no idea what I was thinking it doesnt even make sense. Now I can throw away these pages. Good goodness I'm quite a fool of some sort or another.

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avout to try to meditate for 10 minutes.

This is the type of thing someone might tweet you know? Why do people do this if its not shorter than 160 characters than I don't want to r

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The World's A Stage

The world's a stage and the game is chess; we're falling behind trying to analyze the past no one's looking ahead #thepeople vs #thepower I just tweeted that. So if you follow me that's just one of the many nuggets of knowledge you can expect every once in awhile. The rest of the time its ostracizing (or at least evident by the people who constantly unfollow my ass) comments on whatever topic seems necessary. One strategy I need to focus on is STAYING FOCUSED. Because you can't relate global politics to chess one minute and the next be wailing about your deceased grandfather, regardless of how badly you miss him or how much you regret your inaction in the weeks leading up to his death. The point is: moves are being made people (wait who's my audience again? Oh yeah, no one). Moves are being made politically, economically; locally, nationally, internationally. For every corporate tax cut or executive bonus or HUGE FUCKING OIL SPILL for petes sake there is instantly created a web of secrecy and back dealings and paper trails behind them. And guess what? THEY ALL CHECK OUT. Not one Bush admin will likely ever go to jail, despite all the assumptions the liberal left might make or believe (as I do, namely that potentially law violating or at the least conflict of interest if not flat out corruption occurred and does occur, repeatedly, at all levels of government). And I'm not even that liberal people! I was raised in a pretty socially conservative home; religiously and politically relatively liberal, but it derived from a belief in Jesus Christ as Lord the Son of God. Which looking back that is really all I have in common with nearly every other denominational branch of Christianity, excepting the Quakers, Brethren, Mennonites and maybe the Amish generally and anyone rational enough to believe in social justice, equality and the "message" of Jesus, specifically. The point is: I don't necessarily believe in the historicity of Jesus the man. What he said was exceptionally profound, unless he was merely the talking head figurine of the previously dominant religion (Judaism) hell-bent on a submissive and manipulatable "lesser" sect of the same monotheistic belief. Either way the "right" or whoever is actually in control (or initiating the chaos more like it) is doing what they want at an alarming rate and in a skilled and tactical manner. The rationalism and high ideals of the left is drowning in the swamp of the low tact and subterfuge of the (corporate backed?) right who can so easily call on patriotism and nationalism and fear and hyperbole to blow to pieces decades of hard work by millions of honest and hard working people. Because let's face it: BP is going to shirk all responsibility for the blame for the spill and why not? So will halliburton and the company that did the repairs and who wouldn't? Politically, socially, economically, it's a game. If its anything like chess (and I'm proposing that it is) then you can't stop and look back at your lost rook (for example) but you need to plan ahead a course of action to take your opponents rook or his knight or his queen. It's an all out war against the environment against the poor against the weak and the slow, and rightly so. Ignoring the obvious evolutionary comparisons that could be made here, the government had a responsibility to look out for its citizens and it failed. Intentionally. It wanted more than the fame of publicly held office and the history books. Government became big business and it resides by the bottom line: get money and fuck bitches. If you're a bitch then you don't deserve that slice of land (not my views, my interpretation of the world's view). I'm not saying I know anything here..I'm saying for every lie Fox news spits there's another one right around the corner. Jon Stewart and Colbert are wasting their time correcting every doggone error and flawed journalist tactic; they aren't going to stop. They need stopped where it hurts. They need outwitted. WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THE FUTURE. PEOPLE. IT'S US VERSUS THEM. THE PEOPLE VS THE POWER. Good day.

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if

if is a funny word. yo..if anyone were to for any reason come to this site who knows me or are looking for me for any reason..then maybe i will have done something worth googling. ha! i'm joking. what i mean is: hey. what's up. just me typing. and so

writing feels good

Writing feels really good, like when I'm done writing on here I get super amped and stay awake reading/replying to/writing tweets til much later in the night, though ill try to avoid that tonight. Writing feels really good, so I'm going to do it some more. I have this odd feeling that I've been thing to withhold pleasure from myself, like 'oh it feels good it must be bad' and yet for the last few years its been the opposite of that, doing everything 'if it feels good do it again'. I lived 18 years with religion and 5 years without, so I can't really explain which is better, but these last few years have sucked so maybe it was religion that was good for me. Or maybe just growing up sucks. Yeah growing up sucks. Growing up is also awesome though. It's just not as awesome as being a kid. Growing up/being old is regular. Being young is just awesomer. More awesome. Fuck English. Point is: I prefer typing on my phone - more intimate. Want to move away - pa blows right now. Lined up a job - staples. Gonna take.6 months of work to pay off my last student loan. Need to figure out what I want to do. Need to get on better terms with my parents. Or not. Need to get on better terms with more people. Stupid goddamn motherfucking Manchester college. Fuck that place. Still angry. I knew what was going to happen to me. I knew it and I still let it all happen to myself. And I still let it get to me apparently. "they're still winning." But if I give up they won't know how much they suck. I feel like I can understand (nearly) every psycho path out there who's shot up a school or tried of succeeded in molesting a kid or killed someone. they had pent up frustration at one or more things and finally snapped or finally said

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