test

i have an exam right now, soon that is, at 6:30 pm eastern time, my second to last one for 20th century philosophy, and the test is on Husserl, Heidegger and Sarte. i'd just like to get a few words out so as to prepare getting my thoughts down efficiently and effectively. that's not to say that that will help me regarding the information i need to know, but maybe it will allow me to write easier. i was studying and looking up answers and everything, but got distracted. it's very easy to do on the internet if you haven't noticed. i have. so husserl was different from heidegger but i don't know how. or, that is, i do know how. when that pencil starts moving, you need to stay positivie. you do know this, or at least you can pretend like you do. reality is a lot of creating illusions to convince yourself that certain things are not like they are. but is this how it has to be? i mean, i've been told recently quite a few times that "college is what you make it", like i'm free to interpret everything one way or another. this seems faulty, i'll try and touch on this later. for now though, let's assume that the world as we experience it is indeed one way or the other, or another, or almost infinite different ways. so if every second is every possible possibility, then life is like, 1/infinity, because usually you can only pick one way to go. is this what leibniz meant? i think so, now that makes sense.

2.1 and 4/28/2009.1

ok, i will avoid editing my posts and correcting things about them after-the-fact, which will only lead to a perpetual series of contradictions, corrections and re-typing. that is, i hereby forbid myself from ever editing a post, and instead will use this as a journal/diary-type secret keeper, which of course probably isn't wise since it's on the internet, but hopefully can be destroyed at some point or lost after the internet breaks. this will hopefully happen some time after the next world war but before the annialiation of our species.

further, i will not re-read posts before posting them, but rather will maintain a stream-of-consciousness-like writing style, which usually works for me. hopefully my brain hasn't been shot by hours of stumble!-ing and blastesd fantasy baseball (and fantasy other things) to the point where i can't construct a well pointed sentence which has some consistency throughout. thank you.

micah.

2

the new york times reports that 78% of people who feel "great about themselves, i think" or who feel "at least somewhat confident about my skills" were found to regularly write or type their ideas into some real world, physical medium. not to say that blogger.com is real world, but at least it's something. the other 22% of folks just enjoyed soaking in the opinions of others. which led me to this in a way: for, i suppose, my whole life, and especially these last 3 i've been expecting someone to tell me "the answers", or in a way, i've enjoyed only soaking in the opinions and advice of others. "good listener" was something i got on my report card at least 2 times (maybe, i don't know actually), which is better than "i've never seen a bigger waste of potential", which i got once. but goddamn it, i was always expected to find the answers in that class (physics)(!). what is the point of discovering for myself, answers that have already been found? does something seem a little repetitive about that? well you do that to learn the method, obviously. that is obvious isn't it? if only i'd had a journal in 11th grade. seriously though, often times i start saying things to answer a personal question, and find information out about myself as my answer progresses. maybe introverted and personal weren't the best traits to develop, and perhaps a girlfriend would have been a good idea at some point, if only to correct my terribly flawed logic. i hear there's other benefits of this type of relationship too.

i wonder if i can make this non-public.

4/28/2009

It's come to my attention that for at least the last 2 and 1/2 years I've been incredibly inward looking (that is, internally focused), trying to find answers to questions (outside myself) that can't really be answered by anyone but myself. Worst of all I've done nothing but contemplate the potential consequences of these potential actions, and left most of the decisions that directly affected me to the passage of time. Sartre would have considered this non-decision a decision, which it clearly is. But can I be blamed for the events that happened to me, even though I never directly acted on my preferences and chose one way or the other? Obviously, yes. Shedding responsibility only leads to frustration and disappointment with one self. So today, I intend to begin focusing the energy I am able to produce towards everything except my own selfish indecisions.

micah.